[Zach Nerpel]

They say that if the Sun explodes, we won’t know for eight minutes.

Here’s to hoping it happened seven minutes ago and this article is never finished.

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Well, I guess the waiting period is over and it’s time to make some real changes around here, right? Right… ? Or have we all collectively agreed to live our lives in eight minute intervals, hoping for the best and never preparing for the worst?

Or is the real question whether or not the individual can make any difference at all when a spoonful of corporations are causing the majority of problems? Why is it on me?

Does small, individual action, then, only serve to make the individual feel good – contributing almost nothing meaningful itself in the grand scope of things?

How am I supposed to know? It’s affordable and convenient to contribute to the continued degradation of the planet. With the way things are going, it’s nearly impossible not to line the pockets of the shadiest, trademarked villains when these are the only businesses that are big enough to keep their goods and services cheap enough to rely on.

Speaking of which, where does Coca-Cola get off teaming up with Bill Nye to gaslight their consumers into thinking it’s their fault all of this garbage ends up in the ocean? And should I boycott them for this when no other liquid crack compares to Diet Coke? Again, why is it on me?

How do I even know which companies are “safe” or “good” when it comes to environmentalism? I can’t launch an investigation into every shitty food item I purchase at the grocery store. I can’t not drive my car. I can’t even trust my vote for any major candidate when every single one of them is bought out and refuses to hold anyone other than the individual accountable.

I know there are entire sects of Liberals and Leftists who would suggest we all collectively buy local. Buy sustainable. Or, I don’t know, plant my own fucking onions in some mutated, privileged idea of morality. But do you know how much more it would cost if I tried to buy every food item in my home locally or from a trusted source? People are already broke and have limited time as it is.

I could try cutting out the majority of meat I eat, riding my bike more, or shouting at politicians on Twitter to change the very institution which puts their own environment-destroying cans of dog food on their table. I guess I could do those three things – or I could continue to wait for the sun to explode and in the meantime pay rent.

I am so totally ignorant when it comes to these things, I almost shouldn’t say anything at all. This is not my wheelhouse. But I’m not going to be made to feel guilty by large corporations and self-serving Liberals when it comes to my very boring, regular routine. 

Maybe I could stand to learn something, though? I don’t want the world continuing to be turned into chewed bubble gum and I’m not alone in these mellow sentiments. Maybe someone else reading this publication or contributing to it will have something more substantial to say. Who the hell knows.