Avoidant Attachment (fearful)
by Kaylah
I knew responsibility before I knew love
The idea of keeping quiet because everyone was
Miserable when complaining didn’t help
But maybe, in a few days, we would have
Peace
Peace came long after and before that was the
Ugly feeling of immediate detachment that followed
We’re leaving or We need to go, one more time
Rain hitting a car window was a lullaby to me
More familiar than my mother’s hand on my face
Roots become feet that can’t stop running if
You don’t give them a place to grow.
The walls don’t change much now but the
People do. Within me that habit remains,
Waiting for someone to say We’re leaving.
If home is where you lay your head and what
Else is there to do but build walls of your own?
Only now, when I’m ready to make a new home
With the people around me do I realize that
The home around my heart is too cozy to leave
What do you call a recluse who craves other people?
When does it stop feeling like one slip up is all it takes
For everyone to see the real me and chase me out like
The pariah my brain seems to think it is?
When I say I want to go home I think of people
The four walls that I imagine are the kind hands and smiles
Of the friends who helped me realize that I am loved
The childhood bed is the familiar laughter and jokes that I
Lay my head on when I need a crutch—even if just for a moment.
The scariest thing I have done is make friends
And while it has been hard and more than once
I’ve tried to hide back within myself
I have found people who finally give me that sense of
Peace
RRCC 