Recently, I learned about a minister in Ohio named Sara Cunningham, who volunteers to stand in as the mother at LGBT weddings for individuals whose families have refused to attend the ceremony. She even goes as far to say she will bring the bubbles. To date, Pastor Cunningham has traveled extensively across the country, to countless weddings and her efforts have gone viral.
Now, I love my job, I do, but I can’t help but think I missed the boat on this occupation. Since I have you all here tonight I thought I might apply for the position. Tell your friends.
I do have some qualifications. My resume is packed with coming out stories. I used to work at The Gay Men’s Health Crisis in New York City where we used to put young people back together when they fell apart. When blood serum levels flooded conversation. When some families threw their children away. When we joked that the worst thing that could happen to you in the West Village, is that someone would break into your apartment and redecorate the place. We had to. Awful humor was about survival then.
As the mother of the bride or groom at a wedding, you are generally expected to wear beige and nod and smile graciously. I’m sorry. I don’t operate under this capacity. Not me. I will cheer you on raucously from the cheap seats with sequins, a mariachi band and some kind of outburst of profanity. You are so fucking great! I will probably embarrass you most heinously. I am that kind of mother! You are getting the full experience.
I will bring the inappropriate party gifts and Fireball shots. We will take fishlip selfies. Wedding attire shopping will become an adventure you’ve only read about in books. Perhaps you could wind up in that 70s powder blue tuxedo. Or an orange crepe gown. I’m not opposed to Oscar de la Renta but don’t close your eyes to the possibilities!
We will storm the doors of every bakery in town on the quest for the perfect cake. It is my understanding that rainbow layers are now a thing, so we can make that happen.I will not accept no for an answer. Nor will you. This is not Denver. I’m going to make sure you have every opportunity from every vendor, as per your heart desires. And yes, I will cry during the vows, corral the kids, leash the dog, pose in the pictures, adjust your your veil or bow tie, hold your hand, and I WILL bring the bubbles. Because I’m your momma now.
RRCC 